I don't know what brought me back to this dead miserable blog of mine, but I must say, I'm happy I came back...

It's been such a long time since I last written/ updated this blog. Don't even know why am I writing this post right now,

when I know there won't be anyone reading it (unless I post it on Facebook or Twitter),

when I know there'll only be people trying to advertise their blog on my chat box,

when I know I can't express myself as well as some people do,

when I know my grammar is going down the drain *sigh*.

But then I remembered, that, she--mum--loves reading my blog. And I guess that's what brought me back here. Read through the whole blog, reminiscing, missing the times I had. And I realized, so much has changed. So so much...
It felt...

Different.

I feel different.

I love reading my Realizations and I am thankful post... :)

I could see myself being moulded, transformed, changed, by God THEN.
And I could see myself NOW.
I thank God.

I could see that He has indeed been faithful in my life, from then, till now.

And, I really AM thankful.

That's all I guess.

In case those who DO read my blog don't know what has happened,
here's a short video clip.
I'm sure it's obvious enough.

I love you, mum.
I miss you.


Will be back.
♥ elu

Well it's the last day of the year, so why not post blog a little right?

As the year of 2010 ends, all I want to do is thank God for all that he has blessed me with. Honestly, 2010 is by far the best year I had in the 18 years I lived. *smiles* There was much that I went through this year, a roller coaster ride. And yes, when there are ups, there are bound to be downs. That's life, no?

This year, :)

I've learnt so much about God. Things I knew but never understood. He's SO MUCH better than I could ever imagined, and there's so much more to learn, so much more to know, to understand, to GROW. He has never failed to show me His love, and his GRACE. He knows me better than anyone, HE knows me BEST. And yes, I love Him! I am thankful.

I've learnt to follow and obey what He wants for me. Choosing a path that I never wanted to, going through things I find so hard to cope with... But I know He has a plan for me, and I won't stop following, I won't stop listening to Him. I know He wants the best for me. I'm not "too young" to say this, and I'm not "too young" to follow His plans. I will follow Him eventhough someone said I'm "too young to understand these things", I know I'm not "too young". I am thankful.

I've gained friends that I know I could keep forever, the love they show me are just so, so heart warming, so hard to describe. They've always been there for me no matter what. They are there to support me whenevr I'm down. They are there to PRAY for you and with you. They try their best to cheer you up. And I know I could trust them. I love them! I am thankful.

I see and feel the love my parents show us, my brothers and I. Things they do to make us happy, things they do to make life best for us. They strive so hard to give my brothers and I the best. They understand, they listen, they love, they are the best. I love them. I am thankful.

I've learnt to be contented. You can't always get what you want, but you can be thankful with the things you've already have.  I don't strive to compete, I strive to grow. I don't compete to be complete, I grow to be complete. I don't want to be the best, because I know I have the BEST thing (in the world) anyone could ever have, HIM. I am thankful.

I've let go. Grudges. Emotional bonds. I am thankful.


I've learnt that you can't trust everyone (which I tend to do so easily before). I see things people do, I hear things people say, just to get what they want. It's scary. It's sad. I'm much careful than before, I think more, observe more. I am thankful.

I've learnt that you can't please everyone. I've always try to please everyone. I use to hate myself for not being able to please them. You see yourself try so hard and nothing happens, you see yourself doing your best but it's never appreciated, it gets tiring. You might seen me write this billions of times, but I'm still learning, I live to please God and not men. I am thankful.

I've learnt that not everyone tries to understand, and to accept. It's difficult, but I am reminded, it doesn't matter. He knows, and that's enough. I am thankful.

I've got a new pet dog! She never fails to make me smile. She's been a blessing, really. I am thankful.

I've grown taller. I am thankful.

I've grown fatter. I am thankful.

I've changed my hairstyle. Since I had the same hairstyle(that's whay they say), I changed it! It's SHORT! And I like it. I am thankful.

Happy New Year. God bless. :)

Dear dead blog,

Stand by Juwita Suwito, a song that I can relate to. :) She's GIFTED lahh! :D

Today feels different somehow

Living on the edge of a breakthrough

Yesterday’s pain of people’s disdain

Didn’t hurt me as much as it used to

Maybe I’ve found my remedy

I’m gonna stand up and walk my life

Not afraid to stumble and not afraid to fall

I’m gonna speak up, I’m gonna say what’s on my mind

Never mind if they don’t hear me

I know the ones who love me

I know the ones who will hold me

Just the way I stand

Just the way I am

Standing here on my stage

Why do your stares look so empty?

Strangers and friends all around

Funny how it still seems so lonely

Maybe not such a tragedy

I’m gonna stand up and walk my life

Not afraid to stumble and not afraid to fall

I’m gonna speak up, I’m gonna say what’s on my mind

Never mind if they don’t hear me

I know the ones who love me

I know the ones who will hold me

Just the way I stand

Just the way I am

I don’t wanna have to make pretend

And say what I will not want to

Not just to please you

I won’t be forced to love all who say they love me

But never know what makes me content completely

I’m gonna stand up and walk my life

Not afraid to stumble and not afraid to fall

I’m gonna speak up, I’m gonna say what’s on my mind

Never mind if they don’t hear me

I know the ones who love me

I know the ones who will hold me

Just the way I stand

Just the way I am

 

Pretty? :)

Like an 18 year old.

hahaha...

always loved this pic I took. Pretty flower.

God's creative ain't He?

♥

Hello.

1. Realizations Realizations...

2. Having to be in a "new environment" in school makes me realise how different I am. I'm not saying I'm better, neither am I saying I'm worse. I just don't feel like I get them(some of them at least). But I learn to get along with them, which I think is far better than not getting along and being an introvert. Imagine me being an introvert person, err? lol

3. I find myself wanting to please people just for the sake of pleasing them. I get myself into emotional breakdowns just because of it but now, I'm slowly starting to learn and realise that it ain't worth it. Especially to those who don't even care. But I can't help it, I think "as long as you treat them well, they will too" But I guess this world ain't like that. So I keep reminding myself, I live to please God and not men. And I'm still learning. But, pleasing God is to love one another too right?

4. I don't like competing or fighting for postions(in certain things that is), but I pressure myself too much. I tell myself relax and trust God, do my best and He will do the rest. But my mind tells me different things sometimes, like "you can't do it", "you suck no matter how much you study", etc. And those, I call them, LIES LIES LIES.

5. Having my finals now make me realise how great God is. Everytime I finish a paper, a verse from the Bible will instantly pop up in my head. And I know it's God speaking to me, and I love His voice far more than I love Michael Buble's voice. :D

6. I've been emo on and off lately cuz of a specific problem. And I realise it has been affecting me a lot but I never wanna talk about it. It's the first time that I don't talk to anyone bout it. I wonder if this is even normal.

7. I like people to ask me how am I doing. To me, it's them showing concern. Especially people that means a lot to me. I realise I get upset when they don't. And I unconsciously distant myself from them cuz I think they don't care(only to certain people though). But is it wrong to feel that way? I don't know. But I can't help it and I just don't see why I should change. Sorry if you're on my "close friends I care too much about" list. HAH

8. I either let go of things easily, or hold on to them like they're my life or something. Is this good or bad? I don't know. But this is actually the cause of realization number 6. It actually really annoys me, why am I like this. WHY!

9. It's not wrong to say "I love you" to more than one person, especially guy friends. =.= I only say "I love you" to people I love and I DO mean it. Judge me, I don't care. It's not wrong.

10 . When I can't sleep, I play "You Hold Me Now" by Hillsong United over and over again on my iPod. And I can immediately fall asleep. *thinks : He holds me in His arms, and I'm His babygirl.* :D

11. These few weeks saw me witnessing quite a number of ups and downs and things we're bound to experience someday, somehow. I realised I've matured a lot in these few years, and I thank God.

Not an emo post now, isn't it? :)

Maybe a little, but still.

At least I update this dead blog of mine.

RB.

When you look back on times we had

I hope you smile

And know that through the good and through the bad

I was on your side when nobody could hold us down

We claimed the brightest star

And we, we came so far

And no they won't forget

Whenever you remember times gone by

Remember how we held our heads so high

When all this world was there for us

And we believed that we could touch the sky

Whenever you remember, I'll be there

Remember how we reached that dream together

Whenever you remember

When you think back on all we've done

I hope you're proud

When you look back and see how far we've come

It was our time to shine

And nobody could hold us down

They thought they'd see us fall

But we, we stood so tall

And no we won't forget

Whenever you remember

-Carrie Underwood-



Just a video post. Liking this video, A LOT! =D

This what makes Malaysia, Malaysia!

Cute, don't you think so?

I love Malaysia, I really do.

Happy Malaysia Day!

Selamat Hari Malaysia!

:)

Well, this holiday ain't all about friends. No no no, of course not. To me, family comes first. :) The holidays won't be perfect without family! And I am glad to have such an awesome family. *BIG WIDE smiles* I don't feel like elaborating on what I've done with my family during the holidays, too lazy, but I can tell you, I had a blast! =)

Family~

Was having Barbecue. Yummm~

With cousins. =) It's kinda easy to tell where were we in this picture.

Right?

And last but not least! The new addition to our family. Our babygirl(not literally of course), Chloe! She's all grown up now. 6 months in a few days time. TIME FLIES. AWWWW... :)

And!

I've been thinking a lot lately... A LOT. But I won't blog it out like I used to last time. Too personal. :)

Anyways...

The thought of having to go back to school in 3 days time is just... *sigh* Lets just say I dread "back to school" time. Yeah, school was awesome when you were in the secondary school life, but not anymore. If you're taking form 6, you're categorised as a Pre-U student, though you study IN a secondary school. And, it ain't easy. Tell me Form6/STPM is easier than A-Levels, and I'll come out with a list to prove that YOU ARE actually WRONG. Yeah, it's stressful, but like many people say, no pain, no gain. *pfft*

Well, I'm not here to complain on how form 6 life is, but if I could, believe me, I can take days. Ask me personally if you wanna know. But then again, I might think twice on telling you. But no harm trying, right? lol

*getting on to the point*

I MISS MY FRIENDS!!!

There! I said it! If you could hear me, I'm screaming on top of my lungs. *Sigh!* I really miss my friends A LOT, you have NO IDEA. Specifically, my closest friends who are my besties which are my girlfriends, that will be, my BFFs. Every thing's not the same without them, but yes, I've just gotta learn to be strong. Right? And anticipate the next time they come home, to go for outings, and have another Girl's Night Out. :)

One thing great about living in a small town? You grow up together with your friends, you know them for MORE than TEN years, you fought, you cried, you laughed together. You know them like they are your siblings, and you're CLOSE. :) *happy sigh*

Yes, them. And I love them! :) Missing I-Jean here though.

I ♥ my friends. :)

OH! And I'm so proud of this! WOOTS!

:) I love taking pictures too.

Elmo and Norah Jones!!! =D

ELu ♥'s ELmo :)